He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
