If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
