all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
