Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
