awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
