Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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