we made out on top of his cat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What a dumb baby whore.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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