She's JV to your varsity
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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