You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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