I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i came on her dog
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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