can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize