Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Me too!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
