Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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