A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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