She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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