I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize