the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
