ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
