just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
