Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
