i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
