i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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