I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
