I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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