I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
