Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
