Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
