So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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