I think I won the penis lottery.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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