So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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