I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
