Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
