i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
pray to the hookup gods
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
