We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
