Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
