in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
