last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
