I faked an abortion last night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
