It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
