Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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