I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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