Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
