People in love make me want to vomit
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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