apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
