Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
