Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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