oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
