the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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