whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
