my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
