dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
