We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
