I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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