im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
