i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
