May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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