Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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