Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
