I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
