Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
