sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
