Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
