I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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