I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Enjoy the penises
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
