btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
