So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
