Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize